Two of my finals are out of the way. My Geology teacher was very kind to make our final optional. And, with an A in the class, I decided it would be better NOT to take the final. Less stress to deal with. My Nutrition final, however, was a bit tough compared to the rest of the course. I'm hoping to make a good gread on it. Hopefually, I'll make an A in that class.

That only leaves Japanese and math with Calculus. (Sob)

私のともだちはとてもやさしいですね。きのうは "Lies" parodyをします。たのしかったです！ビデオはすごいですね。

でも、私はあそくテストがあります。月曜日に日本語のテストがあります。金曜日はmathのテストがあります。こんしゅうはたいへんですね。ひまじゃありません。とてもいそがしいです。

今日は BrennaとHannah　私のうちにかえります。どおうして？わかりません。でも、たのしいです。。。

たくさんともだちにてあみをかきます。わたしにてがみをかいてください。てがみをよむが大すきです。

日本語をべんきょうします。でも、いまねます。ごぜん五時四十分です。はやいですね。でも、二時半ごろおきました。だから、はやいじゃありません。

きのうは TineとXianとはなしました。おもしろかったです！たのしかったです！ひじかたさんがすきです。I miss all of you guys!

ともだちが大すきですね。

Oh dear, Korean is going to kill me, you know that?

It's happening, and I guess this is my rant about it. But I'll try not to be as much of a bitch as I am in my other rants. This is simply me clearing my mind, and getting the toxins out of my system.

I'm outgrowing the people around me, and it's a painful process, but I think it's making me a bit of a better person. I'm standing up for myself, and I'm taking less crap than usual from those around me. Yet, I still have a lot to learn about this new sense of "attitude." I have a lot to hone before I get it perfect.

I'd like to be myself. And I don't need approval to be myself.

Perhaps I can become stronger by focusing on the things at hand rather than the things that are only troublesome to me, hmm? Sounds like a good idea. Let's hope my ADD doesn't kick in to make me lose focus of what's really important.

Or have I already lost sight of that?

I guess it doesn't matter, does it?

I need to worry about myself and my health rather than making others happy. So please, bear with me, I might be a bit hard to be around for awhile until I get things smoothed over.

Hijikata-san has been making my gloomy-angst-period a better. As well as some of my friends online. (Tine, Xian,and Corey, you guys are rocking my socks off too.) I'm really happy that I can write with someone again. Writing is therapy to me. If I can't write, I feel even worse than usual. (God, that doesn't sound emo at all. XP)

It's a bit sad that I miss RP, but it's sensible because it's therapeutic. It's natural to miss something that meant a lot to you right?

I have to stop listening to this song, or I'm going to spam people with sexy ideas...

Thank goodness for being able to pull away from that song. ><

I don't understand myself sometimes...

What happened to make it where I can't talk to people? Hmm, then again, in the past, I haven't been given a reason to trust people enough to talk to them. I think a lot of my issues stem from that and make me even more cynical.

I'm not very trusting of people in general. Goodness... hahah. Maybe I should work on that, neh?

Hmm...I've got a lot to think about. And even more homework that's due tomorrow. (Sigh) I should get working on that.

I'm so lazy, I really don't want to do it. I want a break from school...

Thanksgiving Break is coming up, but it's three days. At least it's a three day break. And we'll have finals soon.. sometime after that, I think? I don't even know.

Everything's moving so fast. The world is a bit overwhelming at this speed. I need to work hard to be able to keep up.

I hope everyone's doing well. Stay warm in this cold weather! But Xian, I hope you find a way to stay cool in that dreadful heat!

I want out of here, and if I save up enough money, I could be back in my favorite place by next summer, along with a stop in Korea.

I need another job.

I should just quit school and work all the time.

Or just take the classes I care about.

Why is there even a need for formal education?

And why are people such disgusting creatures?

Everyone can go to hell.

Someone will probably correct me on my horrible Japanese. go ahead. Not like I care at the moment.

Stress, anxiety, sleeping pills, drama, pain, angst, terror, tremor, amnesia, depresssion, ruin... reign..

Sighs.

Placement, pondering, pandora, ugly broken skies, lies, mist. and tears.

Break open salty wounds and flood the baffles of my broken mind.

Ignore the hopeless, slay the dreamers.

Even my writing is disoriented.

I'm tired of it here. Maybe I should just get away.

I'm growing, I'm changing. I've never been right here.

I'm bitching, I'm whining, if you have a problem with it, go away.

I've always gotten along better with those that don't live near me. Does that mean I'm the one with the problem, or that I just don't fit in around here? Do I hang out with close-minded friends, or am I just the oddball?

I think I'll never fit in. Something will always place me out of the "norm" no matter what situation I'm in.

Can't say I'm NOT getting used to it. Yet, that doesn't make the pain worse.

Growing pains. Oh, the joys of growing pains.

you think your advice is helping, yet jit's only making it worse.

Can't you see the more you try to get close to me, the more i pull away? I don't like your close-quarters confinement. I don't like the chains you're binding to me. I don't like being embraced by submarines and buried by cemment.

Stop suffocating me, let me breathe.

Let me transform.

Let me get the hell away from you so I can take a moment to think.

What the hell is going on with me?

all of this is happening in my brain...

Right? It's all in my head.

I don't know what's going on...

I probably never will.

time for another negative journal! WOOOHOO! (I figured I should start warning people. No need to depress anyone that doesn't know what they're in for.)

I completed watching Super Junior on Exploring the Human Body. It's silly to say, but I cried a lot while watching that show. A lot of my friends think I'm just crazy or obsessed, but I'm not even sure why that hits a chord with me so much. I think the show reminds me enough of the culture that I'm missing, the culture overseas in Asia.

Friends grow apart, and I think my best friend and I are starting to drift away from each other quite quickly again. How can i get along with someone that doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through?

Of course, I'm not giving her enough credit. She understands more than I think she does. And she does more than I recognize.

I've never fit in over here. When I try, I fail horribly, and it's even worse that I'm in college. Even the friends I found there, I don't have anything in common with other than my love for Asian culture. I don't understand why I still can't find the place where I'm supposed to fit and settle.

Perhaps it's because I already found it, among different people. My friends around me know me for my strange habits, and my strange obsessions with Asian music.

I'm more than that,right?

I want to go back to Japan. Everything seemed better over there. Even with the language barrier.

It seems like everytime I try to talk to my friends about this, they jsut ignore me. "Yeah, that's right. I understand." Or I just get a silent, "Oh," and then an awkward silence. The subject changes quickly afterward, and I get ignored.

I don't feel this way for attention.

My body is falling apart. It hurts to eat, it hurts to think. I don't understand what's going on. It hurts me even more that my body keeps me from hanging out and participating with my friends. I can't eat the food they like, I can't go out and run around like I used to.

What the hell is going on?

I just want to cry. Perhaps I should, although it seems like all I've been doing is crying lately.

The tests to see what's wrong with my stomach came back normal. We still don't know what's wrong with me.

I can't get mad at people for not listening because I don't listen enough either.

Apparently, my enjoyment of the little things interferes with my friendships.

Does that mean that we're not friends? Or that we just have different interests?

Sometimes, it's this pain that makes me wish I got away from here and went to a school out of state. That way, I'd be homesick, and we wouldn't fight, and we wouldn't get sick of each other. I feel like I'm drowning in the pain of my own existence, and it doesn't make sense.

I have nothing to complain about.

I'm gonna stop this before I cry.