Someone tell me I'm alive.

Fate has an odd way of bringing up things doesn't it.

I was taking a myspace survey...



"If you could say anything to the person who has hurt you most in life what would you say? "








Tell me the truth: what really happened? I loved you, and I'm sure I still have that somewhere, but it's hard to find. No matter what I try to do to get over it, it really hurts. Sometimes I was so frustrated I wanted to end it all and scream until my lungs gave out. I'm not sure if I really understand it, but it feels like you used me. It feels like I've been tossed around like a rag-doll. I feel so hollow inside that I don't even believe i"m living most of the time I walk around. It's hard to watch you, but I have to tell myself that that's what I'm supposed to do, that that's why I'm here. I have to live because I know that it's not worth it to end my life because of the emptiness I feel. I want to believe that we're both better people now and that we've learned from the lessons we've been through. But, it still feels one sided. Do you realize how much I've changed since then? Do you realize the pain I feel is still burning into my veins, coursing through my system like adrenaline?

Tell me what you'd really say. I'm tired of listening to you evade the truth.

This sounds bitter and irritated, but it's more like an eruption. I've held so much in that I've lost myself in the process.

When did it end? And why? Sure. Feelings change, but was there anything I could have done to have prevent that? Why do I get walked on, experimented on, treated like a lab-rat in the new age Scientology.

Love is not a test subject.

Why wouldn't you let me hold you?

Why is it that I never existed in your eyes?

Why does it feel like my feelings were wasted?

Why does remember your arms around me hurt so much?

Why does it hurt to hear you say, "I love you" with that small tint of sadness in my ear?

I've thought of what I'd say to you for a long time. Even though, you're most likely never going to read it. You're most likely never going to answer my questions, because fate has it set that closure is never going to be an option. This is not the idea of what I've wanted to say to you.

In fact, I think what I've wanted to say for so long is nothing. I've wanted to look at you, and have you watch me break. I wanted you to take me in my arms and hold me as I burst into tears. For once I wanted you to be the one to read my emotions.

I wanted you to apologize to me.

But, you know the pain I'm going through. It'd be cruel for you to just feel it twice over.

I want you to kiss me and mean it. I still miss your lips. I miss your embrace. I miss you. I miss the comfort you gave me. You were the only one that made me feel that way. I loved you.

I still do. Part of me will always love you, or else I would never be feeling this pain.

Whoever loves you should treat you like the beauty you are.






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Someone tell me they can tell how I was feeling when I wrote this.

I've needed to write this down for so long. This isn't even all of what I wanted to say. But you know me, once I start, I could go on forever.

I need to get some sleep before the music theory test in the morning.

I'll see you people later.

Someone tell me what's going on in my mind.