"Someone call the ambulane, there's gonna be an accident."

I just want to scream that at the top of my lungs, and drive the rest of the world crazy. I'm so tired of this. i'm so confused.

Don't give me one go ahead signal, and then tell me to stop the next second.

What do you want me to do?
I know that the only thing I want to do is cry, and get lost in something.

I'm a mess. I'm so OCD now, it's worse than before. I'm cleaning, I'm cooking, I'm eating, I'm cleaning, breaking, tearing, cleaning, talking to myself and losing sleep at night.

Can't anyone see that I'm broken?

I'm really not the type of person to tell you that you've been killing me slowly, shoving that blade deeper and deeper.

Then again, that's the kind of fucked up shit that karma can give back to you, right?
I must be a horrible person then.

I need to remember that things work out in the end. And, I will try to remind myself of that.

Don't read these if you're tired of my ranting. (I can't seem to do it enough.)

What is it with you?
You come, then go away, come then go away.

What the hell is it?
I won't even ask you, "What did I do to deserve this?!" because this could be my lesson from karma to think before I act.

But please, if you do anything, stop giving me these damn mixed signals. I don't know whether to pursue you, or just give up. Not on you, on everything. i'm so tired of this. I'm tired of upsetting you with my reclusive moods and constant angst.

Just get the hell away from me.

Or at least kill me before you leave.

I'm just ranting now. None of you probably know what's going on in my head. Well, I hope not.

My brain has been on constant ramble for about a week now. I'm so tired. I can sleep, but I wake up still thinking, still wanting, still tearing myself into smaller and smaller pieces.

Does it upset you that I'm not the person you want me to be?

No, it doesn't. I dont' upset you at all. in fact, it's all in my head, isn't it?

Here I go again, talking in circles.

I just want to curl up under my blankets, and cry myself to sleep.

That's not going to happen while you're around.

I think my throat is bleeding... damn bassoon.